Today, I really felt tempted to go through his emails again. Its such a bad habit and I know what to expect if I do it but I’m so curious to see whats new there. I’m trying hard not to do it. This morning I went to the gym for a quick workout. And in the gym, this guy was looking at me, and it felt like he was looking at me for quite a while. I like to think that I’m polite and generally quite friendly and so I smiled at him. And now i feel quite guilty about it, but I’m not sure if i broke any rule, as it only says that I can’t look at another guys when I am with him. this is probably the most submissive thing I’ve ever said in my life but I’m not going to tell him, but if he reads it and deems it appropriate to punish me, then i’ll just accept it as something I should not do and should learn.
i don’t know how long i can keep up with this, i have this feeling which i don’t know how to describe. its like a mix between fear, guilt and being weak. we spoke about it a bit last night, i think i’m not used to him being so authoritative and telling me no, which is possibly the first time he’s said it to me.
my butt is sore, and thats the only thing holding me back from checking his email. i even have hotmail up on a different tab. yikes.
lddlifestyle 